This is what I posted to facebook but wanted to give you a little more detail below
3:40 A.M. up and wide awake, so I wanted to tell all of you that the visit to U of M yesterday did not go as I had hoped and prayed. After an ultrasound which was compared to the one that I had in December, it seems that despite the chemo showing the cancer shrinking in the first three rounds, the next three rounds showed that it reversed and has begun to grow again :( This means that right now, surgery is not even in the picture. We are back to square one and need to change the chemo to find the right one that will send this %&@$ disease back down to a reasonable place and keep it from growing anymore!! I may have lost this round, but I am going to continue to fight the battle. I have had multiple calls recently and I am so sorry that if you are one of them and I have not returned your call. It has been a VERY tough week. I have no choice now but to fight like hell and that my friends is what I plan to do. Nobody said that life was easy...but I guess I didn't know how tough it could get. I love all of you and am thankful for your support as I continue down this uncertain road.
Stealing a line from one of my favorite children's book...It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day yesterday. Well, I should say that about the last 48 hours, because the lead up to the doctor visit wasn't exactly a picnic either. Nerves and the unknown just got to me on Sunday, and I had pretty much worked myself up to a place that I don't usually go to. So it was with a heavy heart, that Steve and I headed to U of M yesterday. The long and short of my day was that they performed an ultrasound to compare to the one that I had in December. It showed that the cancer had decreased in a few areas, but it sadly showed that there was new growth in another area, despite the initial success of the chemo that I have been taking. Because of the new growth, surgery is not in the picture for me currently. To say that I was saddened to hear this news would be an understatement. I just wanted to hear that it could be taken OUT! So, I will be switching to a different chemo that hopefully, miraculously, (feel free to insert your own word here) will WORK and make "it" stop growing, get smaller, and keep it under control. Then I can be re-evaluated at that time...but first I have to get there. On to the next battle. I am NOT giving up, that is not an option (did you hear me girls?!!) Yes, there were a LOT of tears yesterday, and talking with my daughters, sisters (that means you Mary), and mother was...well...you know how that went...no need to say anymore. And Steve, having to deal not only with me, but the news as well, was very hard on him as well. He tried to be strong for both of us, but in the end I was the one handing him the tissues on the drive home. But as I told each of them...I'll finish my personal pity party tonight, and tomorrow is a new day. Steve kept reminding me that there is also always hope. So that's what I'm holding onto dear friends...A new day and new hope.
The next round has begun. Bring it on.
xoxo to ALLLLLL OF YOU!!! You mean so much to me that I can't even put it into words.